The Beta Prerogative
by The Catz Shadow
Summary: A Beta is born and a Bug goes to Comic Con, but will the real Chat Noir, please, stand up. A story about friendship and foibles, puns and pop culture, - oh, and theatre sports. What could possibly go wrong?
1. Prologue

**PROLOGUE**

 **Author's Note**

 ** _Apologies, My Lady. This Pun's For Chat_.**

I was happy being a lurker. Reading without the pressure of joining, liking, or disliking. Society could keep its thumbs. I was free. I was entertained. I was content. Until, that is, I discovered a writer that I - just - had - to - follow. The _only_ writer I follow. An author of imagination, wit, and talent, locked in a self-confessed battle with the tyranny of punctuation. Finally! I had found a cause. Here was a way I could contribute. A way I could become a productive member of society. I could be become... a Beta. I could answer the call to assist in the slaying of semi-colons, the conquest of curly commas, and the punching of pesky periods. Or so I thought. Imagine my horror to discover that one cannot be a Beta person, cannot make the world a Beta place, unless one has written 6,000 words for oneself. For crying out loud, people - my skill is editing, not edifying. But, there was nothing to be done. No choice. None. I joined to become a Beta, and a Beta I must become. That is the only (rational) explanation for what follows. I need 6,000 words, people. You have been warned.

One can only hope that it all turns out for the Beta.


	2. Enter, Stage Left

**CHAPTER ONE**

 **Enter, Stage Left.**

 ** _Time To Get Your Comic On._**

Ladybug stepped back from the gutter, gripping her coffee tightly, as she waited for the lights to change. Today was the day. The day she would finally attend Comic Con, after years of only dreaming about it. Until now, for one reason or another, it had never been possible; it had never been the right time to go. Now, however, she was set. She had a plan. She was finally on holidays. She had a hotel room close to the convention centre. And she'd designed her costume to perfection. No ladders, no ruching, no embarrassing see-through patches. She was going to enjoy this Comic Con to the full. Stepping off the sidewalk as the lights changed, it felt weird to be crossing a busy city street in full superhero suit; but, surrounded as she was by so many other fans, geeks, nerds, and cosplayers making their way to the convention centre, she was blending in. It was both kind of awkward, and totally liberating. Looking around her with interest, Ladybug was surprised to see quite a few Ladybugs and Chat Noirs among the crowd of people streaming towards the convention centre doors. Of course, she knew Miraculous was popular but, even so, it was surprising to see quite so many people dressed as MLB's lead heroes. There must have been at least five other duos among the fifty or so people forging ahead into the entrance foyer. As far as she could see, there did not appear to be any partnerless members of the akuma fighting team - besides herself that is. Having followed the crowd almost on auto-pilot, Ladybug found herself at the centre's ticketing area. Time to run the gauntlet of security and ticket checks and join opening hour's legendary line-up. Discarding her coffee cup with satisfaction, she joined the line steadily making its way inside the massive complex. Not long now and she too would be inside. She would finally be attending her first Comic Con. Ladybug could feel the anticipation building inside her, just as she could see the raised levels of excitement at the front of the line.

To pass the time, Ladybug decided to look up the convention programme. She vaguely remembered that there had been a number of interesting guest signings and speakers included, when she had first glanced at it, but that had been months and months ago. If she was being honest, Ladybug hadn't paid any attention to the programme. She had been too consumed with finishing her costume. Not that it mattered. The programme remained online and there would be plenty of opportunities to consult it. Before the conference App could open on her phone, the line shuffled forward again and Ladybug's attention was distracted by a charming couple of cosplayers, dressed in what could only be described as bright and puffy satin and felt. They looked like slightly deranged elves or Pokémon that had escaped their pokeballs prematurely. Whatever they were, they were full of good humour and cheer, and Ladybug couldn't help but smile at them when they caught her eye.

"Well, well, if it isn't Ladybug," said the blue character, flicking his red hair out of his eyes and shuffling his sparkly shoes in a hop and pseudo-curtsey. "I'm glad to meet 'cha. The name's Dash, and this pink little lady is Dot. Hey, Dot, come over here and say 'hey' will ya."

Hearing her partner's call, Dot performed a half pirouette before skipping up to Ladybug. "Lo, L-bug," the petite blonde giggled. "Fancy meeting another one of you here. So, where's your dashing feline friend?"

Ladybug smiled at the exuberant couple. "Hi Dash, Dot. It's nice to meet you. I like your costumes, but I'm ashamed to say that I don't recognise your characters...?"

Dash grinned at Ladybug as Dot replied, "Yeah, we wouldn't expect you to. We're new. This is actually the launch for the first kids comic we've ever written - ' _Dot and Dash_ ' - and we thought we'd better look the part for the gig."

Ladybug's eyes widened, "No way, that's so cool! What age group does your comic target?"

"Well, we kind of wrote it for our own kid when he was five," said Dash. "He's eight now, but he still seems to like it," he added, with a self-deprecating grin.

"That's awesome," Ladybug enthused. "One of my nephews is about to turn six, so I'll definitely have to check it out - that is - if you have a stall inside...?" She said, trailing off uncertainly.

"That's so sweet of you," Dot squealed. "We sure do. It's about halfway along the last isle on the right. We're taking turns with some friends of ours to man it." She stopped, as if struck by a thought, then continued, "Actually we're supposed to be getting back to them right about now, so we're gonna have to Dot and Dash. But we'll keep an eye out for you later, okay?!"

"Sure thing," said Ladybug. "I look forward to it."

Grinning at Ladybug, Dash and Dot launched into what was obviously their characters' signature move.

"Okay, gotta Dot," said Dot.

"Yeah, gotta Dash," said Dash.

Ladybug couldn't help but giggle as she watched the two satin and felt characters hop, skip, and joke with people as they made their way towards the front of the queue, before disappearing through the entrance to the convention hall. The moment had been both ridiculous and sublime which, she reflected, was exactly what Comic Con should be. With a sigh, Ladybug turned to study the entranceway. Somehow it seemed much closer than before. Not long now, and she too would be passing through those doors.

* * *

 **POSTSCRIPTUM**

 _ **Dot and Dash**_

The names of these characters are a mildly thematic pun. Dot and Dash (or 'dit' and 'dah') are the key components of Morse Code. Morse Code was first developed in 1836 by artist and inventor, Samuel Morse. The code is one of the most versatile forms of telecommunication. The international signal for distress (SOS) is the Morse Code prosign: three dots, three dashes, three dots. Hence the number of times in this story these characters will have a cameo at Comic Con - three.

 _ **The Hop, Skip, and Joke**_

Comic Con is an endurance sport. Held over several days, it has much in common with the ancient pentathlon (a contest first held in 708 BC at the Ancient Olympic Games). The event is full of heroes, and participants need endurance, fortitude, creativity, planning, and appropriate attire. In particular, the manoeuvre known as the _Hop, Skip, and Joke_ , is an evolutionary phase of that activity known as the Triple Jump (or "Hop, Skip, and Jump"). That is, characters at Comic Con may regularly be seen hopping, skipping, and joking their way through the endurance sports of photo shoots, signing sessions, and queues.


	3. I'm Chat Noir

**CHAPTER TWO**

 **I'm Chat Noir.**

 **Copycat Crazy: Action, Violence, Humour, Horror, Whatever.**

 ** _In Which Ladybug Has Too Many Suitors_**

The instant she stepped through the entrance doors, Ladybug was assaulted by a wall of noise. The enormous hall was filled to bursting with an expanse of canopied stands and colourfully laden tables. These stretched away in broad isles and narrow rows, as far as the eye could see. No wonder they call it _The Great Hall of Memorabilia_ , she mused. Crowds of cosplayers and fans swirled and sauntered before Ladybug, in an ever-shifting pattern of people and pathways amongst the merchandise. It looked like the entire space-time continuum had bent in on itself to materialise, labyrinth-like, in a single hall. Anime, action, monsters, muppets, fantasy, sci-fi, you name it, it was there. Ladybug didn't know which way to look. It was overwhelming.

Suddenly, a gap in the crowd appeared on her right. Ladybug made the dash for space, away from the hum and the buzz of the central isles, which were already full of vendors and victims. With difficulty she weaved her way in and out of the press of bodies until she reached the last isle on the right. The outer isles seemed wider and quieter in comparison to the central ones. Ladybug eased out of the general crowd and into the isle. It was a relief just to hear herself think. Not that the hustle and bustle wasn't exciting, but with so many people in a shopping frenzy at the start of the day, it was a little much.

Ladybug looked at the canopied tables and counters with interest. On display were all kinds of merchandise: Voltron plush toys, Iron Man glow stickers, Avengers badges, Babylon 5 posters, Star Trek books, Star Wars action figures, Firefly photos, Miraculous graphic novels, Pokemon pajamas, Labyrinth glass globes, Dark Crystal puppets, The Incredibles caps and masks, Monsters University lecture pads and scarves, Toy Story cards and colouring in packs, Sinbad ships in a bottle, Mulan kimonos and blossom combs, Kung Fu Panda recipe books, and Sailor Moon costumes. The variety was amazing.

About half way along the isle Ladybug halted at a canopied stall. It consisted of three tables in front of three portable display walls. On the tables and walls were some of the most colourful and evocative pictures she had ever seen. There were postcards, there were posters, there were fully framed pictures, and they were stunning. There were digital animations of natural vistas and alien landscapes. Ladybug could see fantasy Japanese gardens in springtime, evergreen forests in summer, autumn parklands, and ice-bound winter lakes. There were also oils, acrylics, watercolours, charcoals and chalks, and what looked like glittering metallics depicting sand dunes under the night sky, rolling plains beneath planetary bodies, incredible spired cities, sunken temples, and dynamic oceans. Ladybug was lost in wonder.

"They're good, aren't they?!" said a large man from behind the tables. "Name's Ivani, by the way. My wife Myle and I specialise in book, theatre, and film art. Myle will be back in a few moments, she's just helping out at a friend's stall a little further along. Anyway, these are all by artists who work on cover art for books or music albums, backdrops for stage sets, or special effects for games and films. See anything you like?"

Ladybug grinned back at him. "Nice to meet you, Ivani. And what's not to like? They're gorgeous!" Then, as her eyes were drawn back to the centre wall panel, she said, "Actually, I really like the pictures on the middle wall. I love autumn landscapes and imaginary cities, and those ones look almost dream-like. Are they by the same artist?"

"Yes," said Ivani, both surprised and pleased. "You've got a good eye. The artist's a friend of ours, and in our opinion one of the best up and coming artists on the scene. Would you like to have a closer look?" He asked.

Ladybug was about to accept Ivani's offer when they were suddenly interrupted.

"There you are," said a voice behind her. Ladybug turned to find a Chat Noir look-alike smirking at her. Pointing a clawed hand at the paintings, he continued, "You know, Ladybug, you're prettier than a picture. In fact, I'd say you're the Cat's meow."

For a second, all Ladybug could do was stare incredulously at the cat before her. Then her mind registered the echo of what he'd said. To his surprise, she snorted. "Oh dear," she deadpanned. "Copycat, I presume?"

Before the cat could answer, another Chat inserted himself into the conversation. "Hey, sorry to burst your bubble, but Ladybug and me, we're a thing," said the newcomer.

"Excuse Me?!" said Ladybug in total disbelief.

The second cat turned to Ladybug and continued, "Ladybug. Please. Allow me to express my adoration for you."

Before she could say anything, the first copycat interjected, "A thing, huh? You don't even take partnership seriously, calling it a thing. Ladybug, please, take a little time to get to know me. See how much we have in common, like our devotion to the things we love..."

"If I can't have her, then nobody will," the second copycat interrupted, coldly.

"I told you I was better than him," the first copycat said to Ladybug in retort.

"But I'm better than both of you," sang out a third copycat, strutting forward.

Ladybug groaned. "Copycats," she said through gritted teeth, "I'm not getting you!"

A fourth copycat strolled forward. "Yeah, I don't get what Ladybug sees in fools like you either," he said with a smirk.

"Hey, Ladybug," a fifth copycat tried to catch her attention, "I'm way better than these mangy alley cats."

"What does Ladybug even see in you?" said Copycat One.

"You don't deserve her. I do," said Copycat Two.

"Yeah, but I'm the real Chat Noir," taunted Copycat Three.

"No! I'm Chat Noir," howled Copycat Four.

"No, I am," bawled Copycat Five.

"No, I am," bellowed Copycat One.

"I'm Chat Noir," shouted Copycat Two.

"I'm Chat Noir," yelled Copycat Three.

"Argh!" snapped Ladybug, stamping her foot. "Now you're all annoying me."

Her outburst was largely ignored, as the growing crowd of copycats continued to hurl challenges and insults at each other. As the argument began to heat up, Ladybug decided to beat a strategic retreat. Turning to make her escape, suddenly, her arm was grabbed from behind. Copycat One had latched onto her elbow, his claws pressing into her suit uncomfortably. A second later Copycat Two also grasped her forearm. Ladybug froze, her voice going dangerously low, "Let. Go. Of. My. Arm." she ground out between clenched teeth.

"Ladybug, you can't leave," Copycat One said. "You have to have a partner."

Before Ladybug could speak, Copycat Two chimed in, "You have to be _my_ partner."

Saying this, the second copycat tried to pull Ladybug into an embrace. Copycat One reacted by hauling her back by the arm. Ladybug swore and tried to pull free of them both, as the cats continued to wrestle. The other copycats, becoming aware of the tussle, converged in a scrum on Ladybug. With her arm now caught in the grip of several copycats, Ladybug started yelling to be released. Panicking, she could hear Ivani and others yelling at the cats to release her, even as the tussle intensified. Suddenly, the scrum shifted in two directions at once. The torsion on her forearm burned. Ladybug cried out, tears of pain starting into her eyes. The scrum shifted again and her knees buckled, but even as she felt herself falling she was lifted off her feet. The next few seconds were a blur of shouts, black leather, and...white wings? As the initial shock subsided she realised that she was being cradled gently in two strong arms, and held secure against a firm chest. Blinking tears from her lashes and clutching her forearm to her body, she looked up. A strong jaw and, beyond that, the profile of an aquiline nose were all she could make out above an expanse of black leather. She felt, more than heard, the deep voice that rumbled out of that chest, "Don't worry, My Lady. You're safe now. I've got you."

Strangely, Ladybug found herself calmed by this pronouncement. I must be in shock, she mused, given that a stranger is carting me off to goodness-knows-where. This thought, more than anything else, helped kick-start the adrenaline back into her system. But before she could begin to struggle, the voice rumbled again. "I'm going to set you down on this bench here, and then we'll have a look at your arm. Okay, My Lady?"

Unable to trust her voice, Ladybug nodded her assent. She felt herself being gently lowered into a sitting position on a long, wooden, park bench. Dragging her gaze up from her knees, she realised that she was inside the canopied stall of pictures, behind its moveable display wall. To her left, on the other side of the display wall, she could hear the copycats caterwauling for her return. To the right was the canvass of the stall's rear wall. In front of her, someone was crouching. Ladybug looked up into brilliant green eyes, framed by a halo of golden hair. "Hello. Ladybug," Chat Noir said. "How's your arm?"

At this mention of her arm, Ladybug's attention was again captured by her stinging limb. It wasn't broken. Not even close. In fact she had suffered nothing more than a friction burn, but boy did it hurt. Ladybug cradled her forearm closer to her chest. "Erm...It's okay, thanks, Chat. It's just a friction burn."

Chat's eyes narrowed, even as his shoulders relaxed. "I'm relieved to hear it," he said. "But, if you don't mind, I would like to check it all the same, just to make sure."

Chat held out his hand, palm up, and waited patiently. Looking at him, Ladybug realised she no longer had the energy to resist. Sighing, she lowered her forearm into his hand. "Sure," she said, pausing. "Actually, I could really use some cool water on it."

Chat grinned. "We can do better than that," he said, as he stood up to retrieve a first aid kit. He returned with a bowl, a large bottle of drinking water, and a compact medical kit slung over his arm. Kneeling before her, Chat once more took her forearm in his hand. Gently, he opened her glove and began to draw the sleeve of her costume up above her elbow. The skin of her arm was an angry pink where the copycats had twisted it. Like many friction burns, it felt worse than it was. Angling her forearm over the bowl, Chat very slowly began to pour the bottled water over it. The sensation of the cool water running over her arm brought immediate relief. Ladybug watched as Chat slowly poured out the entire contents of the bottle. When the bottle was finally empty, and the water had filled the bowl, Chat took a soft gauze pad from the med-kit and gently pat her arm dry. "How does that feel?" He asked.

Slowly, Ladybug rotated her elbow and wrist. "It's not stinging anywhere near as much. Thank you," she said.

"Hmm," Chat hummed in thought. "That's good, but I think we should still apply a mild burn cream to help reduce the stinging sensation. You're not allergic to lidocaine are you?"

Ladybug shook her head, and Chat began to gently apply the topical cream to her forearm. Minutes later the cream had been absorbed and the stinging sensation was gone. Chat gently eased Ladybug's sleeve back down her arm and helped her reclose the glove. "Well, that's the arm soothed," he said. "How about a cup of tea to soothe the spirit?"

Ladybug smiled widely. " _That_ would be heavenly," she breathed.

Chat grinned back at her before placing the first aid kit under the makeshift card table he had collected it from. From the paraphernalia on top of the table, he set about making tea. "It's bagged tea, I'm afraid," he smiled deprecatingly, "but the water's hot."

"Sounds wonderful," Ladybug replied. After a pause she continued, "So...um...thanks for getting me out of that scrape."

"Anytime," said Chat, handing her a fresh cup of black tea.

Ladybug accepted it, gratefully. Taking a few sips, she cradled the cup in her hands to savour its warmth. Feeling Chat's gaze resting on her, she looked up, but the cat was staring into his own cup. He was taller than her, she noted, and well built, like a swimmer. His costume fitted his broad shoulders and lithe body perfectly, the leather cat's ears sitting almost jauntily on his head. He's incredibly attractive, she thought. Chat turned to look at her, and with a start, Ladybug realised that she'd been staring. Blushing, she sought a distraction in questions. "So...," she began, waving in the general direction of the copycats. "Does that sort of thing happen often at the convention?"

Chat's eyebrows shot up in surprise, then lowered into a frown. "Not usually," he said. "It's because of this year's special competition..." he trailed off, before asking, "Is this really your first Comic Con?"

"Yes," said Ladybug. "So, what's so special about this year's competition?"

Chat gave another start of surprise, but before he could reply he was interrupted by the arrival of Ivani. "Chat's referring to this year's theatre sports competition," he said, as he entered the enclosed space. "Everything ok back here? How you doing, Ladybug?"

"Fine, thanks, Ivani" said Ladybug. "Chat took good care of me. But, what's this about a- "

Before Ladybug could get any further, Dot burst into the tent unannounced. "I knew it," she said. "As soon as I heard about the incident, I just knew it would be you. You're the only Ladybug I've seen here without a partner," she said, as if that explained everything. At Ladybug's look of surprise, Dot continued on, "All the same, I can't believe how badly those copycats behaved. Are you alright?" she asked.

Ladybug nodded. "Yes. Yes, I'm fine. Thanks," she said, before adding, "but I'm a little confused. Can we pretend for a minute that I haven't looked at the Comic Con programme, and someone please explain what the big deal is with this year's theatre sports?"

Dot stilled in disbelief. Chat's frown deepened further, but Ivani grinned at Ladybug. "Everything," he answered. "It's the first time that a big company has decided to sponsor a themed theatre sports competition, _and_ offer decent prize money for the winners. For the theme they have chosen to showcase the lead heroes of Miraculous. And you, Ladybug, are the _only_ Ladybug who turned up to the convention today without a partner." Ivani paused, before jerking his head in the direction of the copycats and adding wickedly, "Which explains your many suitors out there."

Ladybug groaned. "Oh, well, that's just great," she deadpanned. "And what time does registration for the competition close?"

"Midday," Dot replied.

"Right. Well, that's half of today done for me, then," said Ladybug with a grumble. "So...do you guys mind if I hang out here until after twelve, because it looks like I'll have to lie low 'til then."

"Or..." said Ivani smiling, "You could register in the competition. Just think, no one would bother you if you've already signed up, and you'd still get to enjoy the Con."

"Sure. No problem," huffed Ladybug, but without any real heat. "And which of my crazy suitors do you suggest I ask to join me?"

"This one," said Ivani, putting his arm around Chat Noir's suddenly rigid shoulders, his smile becoming impossibly wider still. Chat choked silently as Ivani continued, "Don't worry about inconveniencing him. I happen to know that he was already thinking of entering the competition, if he could find the right partner. And, of course, if you don't want to be in the competition, he won't be upset about being a no show either. But, trust me, you don't want to be stuck here for the next couple of hours, and this Chat Noir is much nicer than any of the copycats out there. So, what do you say?"

Chat held his breath, but Dot clapped her hands and practically sang, "Say yes! Oh, please, say yes. It'll be perfect."

Ladybug looked at Chat, desperate to decipher the cat's silence, but his facial expression gave no clues. She decided to hedge. "Well, I can't say it isn't a tempting offer, but I don't see how we'd even get to the registration table without being mobbed."

"Ha. Leave that to me," said Dot, smirking, as she ducked back out of the stall.

"Good," said Ivani, "That's settled then."

"Actually, I don't think it is," said Ladybug, looking at her feet. "You know, Ivani, Chat hasn't actually agreed to go along with your crazy scheme, and he kind of has a big say in the matter, don't you think?!" Turning to look up at Chat, she continued, "I-I'm sorry you got dragged into this," she said, helplessly. "I'm sure there must be other things you would much rather be doing."

With a shrug, Ladybug looked back down at her feet. For a moment Chat forgot how to breathe. Then, screwing up his courage, he stepped forward to take Ladybug's hand in his. "My Lady, it would be an honour to partner you in the competition," he said. "But, please, don't feel pressured to compete if you don't want to. I would be happy, really, just to have your company."

Startled, Ladybug looked up into his eyes, and then blushed. "O-Oh," she stammered, before collecting herself. "Okay...so, now what?"

"Well," said Ivani, chuckling, "since we have to wait to find out what Dot is up to, I suggest the two of you finish your tea before it goes cold. Meanwhile, I'm going to check on a few things out front. I'll be back shortly."

As Ivani made his way to the exit Chat called after him softly, "Ivani, let me know how the others are doing, will you?"

With a barely perceptible nod, Ivani left. Chat seemed lost in thought. After a few minutes Ladybug decided to ask, "The others?"

Chat smiled at her gently. "I'm here with some friends," he said. "They've been out front, helping to hold the fort, so to speak."

"Oh!" Said Ladybug, her eyes widening. Before she could say anything more, Dash entered the stall, accompanied by a small, solid woman with cheerful eyes and several colourful braids in her hair.

"Hello, again, Ladybug," said Dash with a broad grin. "Heard you were having a spot of bother with the local strays."

"Dash!" Said Ladybug, both surprised and pleased to see him.

"Well," said Dash, good humouredly, as he shook hands with Chat, "It didn't take you long to find yourself some trouble, now did it. Mind you, it's a good thing you were here to fish her out of the firing line, if even half of what Dot told me is true." Chat grinned. Turning back to Ladybug, Dash continued, "But never mind that now. It's time I found my manners. Let me introduce you to Myle, Ivani's wife. She's good friends with my Dot, and the two of them have cooked up a scheme to help you get to the registration table unscathed. So here," he said, handing a bag to Chat. "You'll be needing these. I'll leave Myle to explain. I promised Dot I'd go straight back to help with our stall."

Waving goodbye to Dash, Ladybug exchanged greetings with Myle as Chat emptied the bag. Inside were a couple of trench coats, a lightweight scarf, a sleek fedora, and what could only be described as a couple of ridiculously long, and rather feral, knitted leg warmers in Cookie Monster blue. "Here, Chat," said Myle. "You put on the longer trench coat and hat. The legs of your suit are plain black, so they won't stand out under the long coat, but you need to hide your cat's ears under the hat. Ladybug, your legs are an entirely different story. You need to wear the leg warmers to hide your spots. The coat will cover the rest, and you can hide your hair with the scarf. Hopefully, that should be enough to help you slip past the copycats," she said.

At that moment Ivani came back inside. Giving Myle a quick peck on the cheek he spoke to the Miraculous heroes. "Ok, Chat, Ladybug, listen up. It's still mayhem out front. There's no way you can go out that way without being mobbed. So here's what we'll do. Once you guys are ready we'll create a brief distraction out front. When that happens you'll need to open up the back wall to get out. The vendors on the other side are expecting you, and will help you to get to the next isle. Once there, you'll need to make your way to the registration table. We'll try to keep the copycats here from realising you've gone, but it's possible you could run into others on the way, so get there as fast as you can. Once you've registered we'll expect you both back here, okay?" Ivani smiled, before turning to address the cat specifically, "Oh, and Chat, everyone out front's doing fine."

Chat clasped Ivani's shoulder as he shook his hand. "Okay," he said, his green eyes gleaming. "Time to make an exit."

* * *

 **POSTSCRIPTUM**

 _ **Please Explain Your Cat-egories**_

Why ' _Horror'_ and ' _Whatever'_ in the headline for all this copycat craziness? Naturally, the former applies to the blatant reinvention of the dialogue of the Copycat episode, and the latter to the lame puns (Ladybug's _suit_ ors; _The real_ Chat Noir; Copycat, _I presume_?). I would apologise for both, but I own nothing.

 _ **The Great Hall of Memorabilia**_

Anyone who attends Comic Con will know this as the Dealers' Room. For the non-Con goer, that term sounds a little sketchy and doesn't convey the idea of something as extensive and imposing as the largest wall on earth. So, in the spirit of writers' licence, I've had fun playing with the idea, entrenched in pop-culture since 1754, that the Great Wall of China can be seen unaided from space. It's not true, but it's a fun idea all the same.

 _ **Old History For New Buffs**_

Spartacus was a Thracian gladiator, who led a slave revolt from 73-71 BC. We learn about him from the writers Appian, Florus, and Plutarch's _Life of Crassus_. He defeated several Roman military units and remained at large in Campania for almost two years. At one point his troops camped out in Mt Vesuvius (the volcano that later buried Pompeii in AD79). Eventually, Marcus Licinius Crassus was appointed to lead an army against Spartacus. Despite the claims of Gnaeus Pompeius Magnus, Crassus eventually defeated Spartacus. As punishment, he crucified the 6,000 surviving slaves of Spartacus' army. Their bodies lined the Appian Way from Rome to Capua, a distance of some 189km (or 118 miles). In 1960 Stanley Kubrick directed the film _Spartacus_ , starring Kirk Douglas. The film's phrase " _I'm Spartacus_ " has been a pop culture legend ever since.


	4. Friends in Need are Friends in Deed

**CHAPTER THREE**

 **Friends In Need are Friends In Deed.**

 ** _They're Called 'Action' Heroes For A Reason._**

In the end, the escape was anti-climactic. The organised distraction worked like a charm, and Ladybug and Chat Noir made it to the registration table without mishap. A few minutes more, and they were sporting registration numbers on official armbands: Team Number 15. Returning stealthily through the rear wall of Ivani's stall, the duo were thankful to divest themselves of their diversionary clothing. Bundling the clothes back into the bag, Chat Noir and Ladybug prepared to appear at the front of the stall. Watching the copycats through the joins of the display wall, Ladybug swallowed nervously. Chat came to stand beside her.

"Ready to face them?" He asked.

Ladybug grimaced then squared her shoulders with a nod. Chat felt his heart swell for this courageous girl. Brave, despite her nerves. It was hard not to be smitten. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Chat held out his hand. "Together," he said.

With a tentative smile, Ladybug put her hand in his. "Okay."

An amazing sight greeted them in front of the stall. There was Ivani, standing arms akimbo, behind the tables of his stall, joined by his wife Myle. A short distance in front of the stall was the crowd of copycats, heckling each other and chanting for Ladybug to appear. And standing between the crowd and the stall were the five members of the Science Ninja Team Gatchaman. Ladybug would have laughed out loud, if she hadn't been so nervous. Strangely enough, this tableau helped to calm her nerves. At least that explained the impression of white wings she'd had in all the confusion earlier. For the next few moments everything felt like it was in slow motion. It took a few seconds for the crowd to realise that Ladybug had returned. It took a couple more for the sight of Ladybug and Chat Noir holding hands and sporting matching registration armbands to sink in. The change in atmosphere was almost comical. A couple of the copycats fell to their knees groaning, clutching their hair or stretching out their arms theatrically, as if to ask Ladybug why she had abandoned them. Most of the cats, however, simply shrugged and started to wander away. Slowly, the crowd began to disperse and the Gatchaman team relaxed.

"Phew, that's enough excitement for me," said Gatchaman Joe. Turning to face the stall, his eyes lit up when they landed on Chat Noir and Ladybug. "Dudes, you registered," he said. "That's great!"

Jun strolled over to lean on Joe's shoulder. "Finally!" She chortled. "I thought we'd never get off guard duty. So, this is Ladybug."

Ladybug smiled nervously and waved. Chat wrapped his arm around her shoulder to give her a quick squeeze of support. "Yep, this is Ladybug. Ladybug, allow me to introduce my friends. On Team Gatchaman playing Ken, Joe, Jun, Jinpei, and Ryu, we have Lucas, Niente, my sister Ally, Maxwell, and Kimochek. Lucas is a musician. He and Niente met at the Conservatorium of Music. Niente is a composer and sound technician. We met while I was working up the scenic art for a film set. My sister Ally is a travel and culture reporter for the Seattle Times. And these two are her colleagues, Maxwell and Kimochek. Max is a sports statistician, and Kim's a sports reporter for the Seattle Times. We've travelled down from Seattle for this year's Comic Con. Everyone, this is Ladybug."

Ivani wandered over as everyone was exchanging greetings. "Glad to see you two made it back in one piece," he said, thumping Chat on the back.

Chat Noir grinned. "Thanks Ivani," he said, "I owe you one."

"No worries," said Ivani. "Just do us a favour. Don't waste the opportunity."

Chat's smile turned bashful. "I'll try not to," he said.

Chat rejoined the group conversation as Ivani went back to his stall. Kimochek and Maxwell were agitating to spend some serious time at an Avengers stall they had seen two isles over. Ally and Niente were keen to catch a signing session that was starting in the next ten minutes, and Lucas wanted to check out a stall selling episodes of an old British sci-fi series called UFO. Chat spoke up. "Ok, well, since Ladybug and I have some things to take care of here first, why don't we all split up and meet back at our favourite Mexican vendor for an early lunch. How's that sound to everyone?"

The plan was approved enthusiastically, and the members of the group broke up to pursue their various interests. Turning to Ladybug, Chat asked, "So, what would you like to do first?"

"Um," Ladybug blinked. "T-That's very kind of you, Chat, but I don't want to get in the way of the things you had planned for today."

Chat grinned. "My Lady, I honestly had no plans for today, and it would be thoroughly enjoyable to share your first Comic Con experience with you."

"Oh, well, if you're sure..." said Ladybug doubtfully.

"I am," he replied. "So, what would you like to do?"

Ladybug hesitated, drawing in her breath, before replying uncertainly, "Well, if you really don't mind, I would like to spend a little more time looking at Ivani's stall, before locating the one run by Dot and Dash."

Smiling, Chat Noir stepped aside with a bow. "After you, My Lady" he said.

Ivani chortled as Ladybug and Chat Noir approached his stall. "Back again?!" He asked with a rhetorical flourish.

"Hi Ivani," said Ladybug, smiling. "I was hoping we might resume our conversation from before. You were about to tell me more about the artist and pictures on your centre wall."

Fighting back a laugh, Ivani invited Ladybug to come around the tables to take a closer look. For the next ten minutes or so he answered Ladybug's questions about the title, medium, and history of the different pictures on display, and asked her questions in return about which ones she liked and why. By the end of the discussion Ladybug had decided to purchase a framed picture of a very dream-like, bird's eye view of Victorian London in the evening lamplight. The picture just seemed to glow. "Ah, yes, _London by Lamplight_ ," said Ivani. "I believe it is one of the artist's favourite pictures also."

"It's beautiful," said Ladybug. "It makes me think of chimney sweeps and magic."

"Indeed," said Ivani, "In fact I believe it was created as a possible backdrop for a stage production of Mary Poppins, wasn't it Chat?"

Chat rolled his eyes and gave a resigned sigh. "Yes."

Startled Ladybug looked at Chat, her eyes blown wide. "A stage set? I- Is this one of your works?"

"Chat did all the pictures on the centre wall," said Ivani, enjoying the cat's discomfort. "He's really talented, don't you think?"

"Absolutely!" said Ladybug. "I had no idea," she added enthusiastically, before pausing to ask, "You don't mind, -I mean-, you won't be upset if I purchase it will you?"

"Not at all," said Chat, collecting himself. "I'm pleased you like it. While you and Ivani haggle over the delivery details, I'll go grab the bag of clothes we need to return to Dot, okay?"

Waved off by both Ladybug and Ivani, Chat made his way inside the stall to collect the bag. Ladybug wrote down her delivery details, and was just completing the payment when Chat returned. "All done here?" Chat asked.

"Yep, all done," Ladybug replied. "Thanks Ivani."

"No worries Ladybug. It was my pleasure. And we'll deliver it to you in a week's time like you've asked," He grinned. "Enjoy the rest of your day you two."

Taking their leave, Chat Noir and Ladybug wandered a little further along the isle until they came to a small stall bursting with colourful decorations in satin and felt. Inside were Dot and Dash, and on the table before them were copies of their new comic book surrounded by a liberal sprinkling of tiny pink and blue glitter shapes. Seeing them, Dot squealed in delight. "Ladybug, Chat Noir, you made it!" She cried. "And you registered! Oh, this is perfect. Hey, Nate, look!" She called to Dash.

Dash was already grinning at the pair. "Well don't you two make a fine team," he said. "Number 15, I see."

Chat Noir decided to steer the conversation away from the competition. "Hey guys, thanks for the assist back there. Those clothes were a big help," he said, handing the bag back to Dash. "So, how goes the sales?"

"Actually we're doing pretty well," said Dot. "We've managed to sell a couple of copies already which is great."

"Hey, that's claw-some," said Chat, earning an eye-roll from both Dot and Dash. Unperturbed, he continued. "Okay, so, I know you guys have already met in character, but I'd like to introduce you both to Ladybug properly. Ladybug, this is Nate and Roselyn, two of my good friends from Seattle. Nate is a graphic artist. We've worked together on quite a few art projects over the years, and Rosie is an English Literature major and freelance writer."

Shaking hands, Ladybug said, "Nate, Rosie, it's so nice to meet you properly, and thanks again for the disguises. They really were a huge help."

Nate and Rosie waved away Ladybug's thanks, telling her that it had been their pleasure. "So," said Ladybug, gesturing towards the table, "is this your new book?!"

Reverting instantly back into character, Dot and Dash were delighted to show Ladybug their comic. It was charming. So too was their sales pitch. Ladybug was not at all surprised when, not more than ten minutes later, she had placed an order for two copies, one to be sent directly to her nephew, the other to herself in a week's time. "But on one condition," said Ladybug. "You both have to sign them. Please?" Dot and Dash were delighted to do so.

With the purchase ordered and paid for, Chat Noir and Ladybug took their leave of Dot and Dash. As they made their way along the isle Chat asked Ladybug what she would like to do next. "I don't know," said Ladybug. Then after a pause she said, "Actually, how about you choose something. I'd like to do something you'd like to do, and I'm happy for you to surprise me with your choice."

"O-kay," said Chat, rubbing the back of his neck while thinking. "Well...we have an hour before we have to meet up with the others for lunch, so how would you feel about taking on a lost cause?" He asked, his eyes suddenly twinkling with mischief.

"Really?" said Ladybug curious. "Exactly what kind of a lost cause did you have in mind?"

"Ah," said Chat, "the best kind. Hunting for lost treasure. You see, I have a top five wish list of collectible, but impossible to find, comic books that I search for every year. I thought we could try our luck hunting for them. What do you think? Do you feel lucky?"

"Well, I am Ladybug," she quipped. "Lead on, Chaton."

The smile Chat directed at her was so blinding, it stole her breath away. Even if they found nothing, she thought, that smile would make the next hour all worthwhile.

By twelve o'clock Chat was amazed. After less than an hour of searching they had managed to locate three of the five comics on his wish list. He clutched them gleefully to his chest, much to Ladybug's amusement. "My Lady, you have _no_ idea how difficult it is to find these. I'm amazed," he gushed.

"That's great, Chat," said Ladybug, "but shouldn't we be on our way to meet everyone?"

"You're right," he said, consulting his phone. "We'd better head across now."

Ten minutes later the duo entered the food court looking for Team Gatchaman. They found them seated at a wide table on the hall's left hand side. Ally and Niente waved them over and pretty soon the whole gang was chatting away happily over burritos and soda, while showing off their purchases. Ally had managed to score a couple of celebrity photos and interviews at the signing she and Niente had attended, and was busy uploading them to her very popular _Lady About Town_ blog, affectionately known as ' _The Ladyblog_.' Lucas was regaling the group with hilarious anecdotes from the six hundred page 'Making of' booklet that accompanied his purchase of the complete season of UFO. Maxwell and Kimochek brought out the Avengers trading cards they had picked up, and were soon lost in an argument over the stats for The Ghost and Agent Hill. "And what'd you get, dude?" Niente asked Chat Noir, looking at his bag with curiosity.

Grinning, Chat produced the comic books for Niente to see. Niente's eyes blew wide as he sucked in a breath. "No way, dude, you found _three_ from your ultimate list. How is that even possible?" He asked in disbelief.

Chat chuckled and pointed to Ladybug. "I had Lady Luck with me, of course," he said.

Niente gave a low whistle and started thumbing through the books. Ladybug used the lull in conversation to find out a little more about the group. "So, do you guys fly down for Comic Con every year?" She asked.

Ally answered. "Well we try to make it whenever work allows," she said. "This year is unusual for us in that we drove down, and we aren't staying for the whole thing."

"You drove?" Ladybug repeated in mock horror.

"Well, no, Kimochek and I flew down," said Maxwell, breaking off his stats argument in order to jump into the conversation, "because I couldn't get off work until Wednesday evening, whereas they started driving on Tuesday."

"Which worked out just fine," said Kimochek, "because it meant Maxwell and I got to fly down on Thursday morning to enjoy most of the day at the Con. And Lucas was already here, which is how we knew that the unpartnered Ladybugs and Chat Noirs had already paired up. It was a lot more civilised yesterday than it was today, let me tell you."

Maxwell resumed his narrative. "Yeah, but we'll be driving back this evening. It'll give us a chance to catch tonight's game in LA between the Mariners and Dodgers, before we head to Redding on Saturday so that Kim can do a feature on the _Big League Dreams_ park they have there."

At this point Lucas chimed in. "Yeah, and I'm not as mad as this lot. I flew in on Wednesday, like a normal person," he said smiling, "and I'm flying back out at an equally leisurely time on Sunday."

Ally threw a paper napkin at Lucas, who merely dodged it and smiled. "Well, excuse me if _some_ of us have to work for a living," she said, laughing. Turning to Ladybug she continued, "The rest of us are driving because of work. My boss wanted a travel feature on San Francisco by Thursday, Kimochek has the feature on Redding to do for next week, Niente had a meeting here Thursday night for a film score he's currently working on, and my brother decided to tag along to support Nate and Rosie's launch, as well as to check on how his own works are selling. The paper was happy to cover the cost of the car hire if I spent Wednesday in San Francisco, and brought Kimochek back with any other scoops I could find in San Diego. The downside, of course, is that we have to leave this afternoon in order to make it back to Seattle by Monday.

Ladybug tried not to let her disappointment show. Instead she said, "Yeah, I get that. I had planned to be here on Thursday, but work needed me to stay back, so I didn't get in until after midnight last night."

"Ooh, rough," said Niente, still flicking through the comic books. "But at least you made it in time to enter today's competition. My man here could really use some of your luck to win one of those prizes," he said, throwing his arm around Chat Noir's shoulders.

Chat Noir frowned, but before he could say anything Ladybug asked, "And why's that?"

Chat punched Niente's shoulder. "Dude!" He whisper-yelled.

"What?!" Niente shrugged.

"Ladybug doesn't need us pressuring her into the competition," Chat growled. "It was bad enough when it was the copycats."

Most of the group looked abashed at Chat Noir's comment, but Kimochek jumped right in. "Sure. And you don't have to pretend that it wouldn't help your business to win some of that prize money, either," he retorted.

Ladybug turned to Chat Noir, her eyebrows raised. "Care to fill me in, Chaton?" She asked.

Chat groaned in frustration, glaring at Niente and Kimochek. Ally stepped into the breach. What my brother doesn't want us to talk about is that he has the opportunity to expand his set design business if he can purchase a really serious industrial 3D printer. It's a struggle to get the full amount of finance extended, but if he can raise a sufficient deposit he might just have a chance. And at this stage, every bit helps."

"I see," said Ladybug. "Well, in that case I think we should give it a go. I actually don't mind being in the competition, Chat, and if the prize money really would help, then I'd like to help you try to win it."

Surprised, Chat asked, "You'd really be willing to do that for me?"

"Sure," said Ladybug, struggling to hold her deadpan expression while punning. "After all, a friend in need is a friend in _deed_ , right?"

As the rest of the group fell about laughing or groaning, Chat raised Ladybug's hand to his lips and murmured, "Thank you, My Lady."

After that, 1pm arrived all too quickly. It was time for Ladybug and Chat Noir to make their way over to the theatre sports marshalling area. The group cleared away the remains of their lunch and prepared to walk the duo over. They had decided to secure seats in the auditorium to wait out the hour between the marshalling of the contestants and the official start of the competition. That way, they figured, they could take turns minding seats while continuing to explore Comic Con for the hour. Niente and Ally promised to guard Chat Noir's comics with their lives. Arriving at the auditorium, Team Gatchaman wished the duo luck before wandering off to grab seats. Ladybug and Chat Noir continued on into the marshalling area, where a crowd of MLB's heroes were already milling. Looking at the crowd, Ladybug ruthlessly suppressed her internal trepidation. This was it. Time to go big, or go home.

* * *

 **POSTSCRIPTUM**

 _ **Niente**_

This Italian word means 'nothing.' In music it refers to a sound or tone that gradually fades to nothing. It's an appropriate naming-pun for a score writing, disc-jockeying, sound technician, don't you think?

 _ **Verbs**_

Obviously this chapter is playing with two important sayings: " _A friend in need is a friend indeed_ " and " _actions speak louder than words_." I had to chuckle at the following statement I found in an online dictionary: " _any English noun can be verbed, but some are more resistant than others_." Yes. Verbs are doing words. They are words of action. They reveal nature and character. And I think the word " _friend_ " should be both a noun and a verb.

 _ **UFO**_

If you have a sense of humour (and/or perhaps nostalgia), and haven't seen this series yet, you should. It's everything that's right and wrong with Sci-Fi in one gloriously kitsch, yet somehow compelling, package.

 _ **Gatchaman**_

Why the Science Ninja Team Gatchaman? This ground-breaking anime was foundational in so many ways, not least for establishing the five-team member dynamic that inspired many later works. I have used the original Gatchaman team names here (Ken, Joe, Jun, Jinpei, and Ryu), although most people in Australia and the USA first met them as G-Force in _Battle of the Planets_ (Mark, Jason, Princess, Keyop, and Tiny). There's a whole generation of female fans out there who grew up in their backyards wearing pillowcase capes and wielding yo-yos. And of course, Jun's name-change to 'Princess' was, at the time, an homage to another strong female character resisting evil in a war amongst the stars (Leia). So, why Gatchaman? It has a yo-yo wielding heroine called Princess. " _Two Ladybugs?!_ " Chat Noir would approve.


	5. Theater as Sport and Puns as Art

**CHAPTER FOUR**

 **Theatre as Sport and Puns as Art.**

 _ **The Pun-Lover's Slapstick.**_

Looking at the crowd of contestants, Chat drew a deep breath. There were so many of them. Anyone who wanted to win this competition was going to have their work cut out for them. A small, gloved hand coming to rest on his forearm made Chat turn to the woman beside him. Ladybug was looking at him, head tilted to the side in silent question. She really is adorable, he thought. Smiling, Chat nodded towards the crowd, "There's lots of competition, LB."

Ladybug's eyes sparkled as she returned her partner's grin. "Yeah, well, they'll need to bring it. Right, Chat?!"

Chat's breathe caught in his chest, before he exhaled with a laugh, "Absolutely! Anything less would not be at all a-mew-sing," he said.

Ladybug rolled her eyes, but was saved from replying by the announcer stepping up to the microphone. A hush settled over the competitors. "Ladybugs and Chat Noirs," he said. "Welcome. As most of you already know, this year's theatre sports competition is being sponsored by DAGS Inc., _The Drama, Animation, and Gaming Society of America_. DAGS Inc. have generously provided five cash prizes, each worth $10,000, to be awarded to the five teams to best portray MLB's lead heroes in this year's competition. That's $50,000 in sponsorship, people, so let's give it up for DAGS Inc. Yeah!"

The announcer clapped enthusiastically, joined by everyone in the auditorium. "Alright, then. Now, what no-one knows is that after today's winners have been chosen, DAGS Inc. have a surprise announcement to make. It's a big one, so stay tuned. But, for now, let's get down to business. Contestants, what do you have to do to win a cash prize? For this competition you have but one task. You are to develop and perform a short act. The rules are simple. Your performance must be not longer than five minutes, it must have something to do with an akuma, and...it must include at least five puns."

The effect of this announcement was almost instantaneous. While the audience succumbed to general laughter, there were groans from several Ladybugs, matched by hisses of " _yesss!_ " from their Chat Noirs. The announcer held up his hand, pausing just long enough to reclaim everyone's attention before adding, "And you will have just one hour to prepare. The five best teams will each be awarded a cash prize, and the decision of the judges is final. Competitors, if you will follow me, you will be provided with access to a studio in which to prepare your performances. Ladies and Gentlemen of the audience, have a break, take in a signing, or grab yourself some merchandise, and we will see you back here in an hour's time to discover which teams will be taking home a prize." With that, the announcer began leading the masked heroes backstage.

Turning to Ladybug, Chat Noir held out his hand, "Shall we, My Lady?"

Smiling, Ladybug put her hand in his, "Right beside you, Chaton."

* * *

Ladybug was frowning. She was, in fact, thinking furiously. They had to come up with a plan, solid enough to defeat an akuma and win the day, and they only had an hour in which to do it. Chat Noir's future depended on it. Seeing her tense expression, Chat Noir squeezed Ladybug's hand, "Don't worry, My Lady, we'll think of something."

Ladybug smiled distractedly, "mmn...hmm..." she breathed.

Before Chat could say anything else the announcer interrupted. He had led the contestants backstage and into a corridor lined with doors. Turning to the group he said, "Along this corridor you will see that there are studios, each separated from the other, and clearly marked with your team numbers on the doors. Inside each room you will find everything you need to prepare for your performance - bottles of water, paper, pens, a white board, wifi, space for practicing, and access to a bathroom. You have one hour to prepare. At the end of that time you will be collected and brought back to the stage. Are there any questions? No? Good. Then, I wish you all luck. Find your door numbers, and in you go."

The contestants began to move along the corridor, each team peeling off from the group as they found the door with their number on it. Ladybug and Chat Noir's room turned out to be the last one on the left. Pushing the door, they saw that it opened into a large, windowless, rectangular room. It was empty except for a whiteboard on the far wall, a small kitchenette in the far right corner, a couple of chairs, and another closed door, behind which there was no doubt a sink and a toilet.

"Well, it ain't the bat cave," said Chat, "but it'll do. Shall we get started, LB?"

Ladybug pressed her lips together to suppress a smile. Her partner seemed to know exactly how to make her to laugh, but there really wasn't time for that now. "Ok, Chat," she said. "So, tell me... is there something in particular you'd like to do for this performance?"

Leaning against the wall, Chat folded his arms across his chest. "No, there's nothing in particular I have in mind. I'm happy to try anything, and something tells me that you already have an idea."

Ladybug hesitated, as if weighing up competing options, before sighing heavily. "I do, actually - have an idea, that is - but, I mean, well, it's a bit out there, and you may not like it. In fact, I'm not sure that I like it. But..." she trailed off.

"Try me," said Chat, his green eyes holding her gaze.

Ladybug drew an uncertain breath and held it. She looked like a diver, poised at the edge of a cliff, perfectly yet precariously balanced between terror and exhilaration. Chat continued to hold her gaze, waiting. The moment she moved from indecision to resolution, was unmistakable. It took his breathe away. He had no idea what had caused her to hesitate, to hold back, but he had no doubt about the moment that she committed herself to action either. The fierce expression overtaking her features was simply awe-inspiring.

"Alright, then," said Ladybug. "I'm thinking that we need to do something that is true to our characters, and entertaining, but not hackneyed."

"Sure," said Chat.

"Well," said Ladybug, continuing. "We know that Ladybug and Chat Noir are both attracted to each other, but entirely oblivious about that part of their relationship, right?"

"Yeah," said Chat, cautiously.

"And the fandom likes it when a story's puns make fun of their obliviousness, as well as making fun of an akuma, right?"

"Of course," said Chat, following Ladybug's logic with interest.

"And there's this idea that Ladybug and Chat Noir, or at least their Kwami, are several millennia old, so they've been around quite a few ancient civilisations - not just modern day Paris, right?"

"Ye-es," said Chat Noir, suddenly wondering where Ladybug's argument was heading.

"And, this is Comic Con, right."

"Yes," he said, again.

"So, we want our story to be both sufficiently high-brow in its pop-culture pedigree to attract kudos, yet low-brow enough to be entertaining," said Ladybug.

Erm, yes?" said Chat, nonplussed.

"Well, then, I think we should do an Atellan Farce," said Ladybug, as if she was saying the most obvious thing in the world.

"I'm sorry. What?" said Chat, his eyes blown wide in surprise.

"An Atellan Farce," said Ladybug, again, staring at Chat just as intently as he was staring at her.

"Erm..." spluttered Chat, unhelpfully.

Ladybug sighed. "An Atellan Farce, Chat. It's a kind of improvised, masked, farce that was highly popular in the Roman Empire. That way, our performance itself would be a kind-of pun."

"A... farce," said Chat, looking like he was at something of a loss.

Ladybug hesitated. "A farce, Chat. You know...it's kind of a bawdy romp, like the ones they used to do immediately after each performance of Shakespeare, as an encore. You know... - ' _a witty but lewd bit of comedic relief_ ' - designed to restore an audience after all that death, and gore, and tragedy."

Chat Noir blinked. Ladybug tried again.

"You know. A farce. It's like, it's like - well - it's like Punch and Judy," said Ladybug, searching desperately for something to wipe the blank expression from Chat's face.

Chat blinked again. Ladybug bit her lip. It was time to pull out all the stops. "You know," she said. "It's like the difference between _Teen Titans Go_ and _Teen Titans_. One is full of chibis doing farcical things, while the other is a serious cartoon about serious heroes doing serious stuff, all taking themselves waayyy too seriously."

Ladybug looked hopefully at Chat. Chat blinked again.

"Oh come on," she groaned in exasperation. "You have to know about _Teen Titans Go_!"

Chat smiled. "Of course, Ladybug. I know about _Teen Titans Go_. I also know about Punch and Judy, and the farces traditionally performed after each Shakespearean play," he said. "It's just, I was so blown away by your idea of doing puns within a pun, that by the time I stopped screaming internally, you were already explaining what a farce is. I thought it best to just wait and let you finish."

Ladybug's mouth dropped open. "You...You..." She spluttered. Groaning, Ladybug hid her face in her hands. "I can't believe you did that!" She said, her voice muffled.

"Aw, come on, Bug. You know it was purr-fectly funny," he said, drawing close to give her a reassuring hug.

Ladybug raised her face from her hands to give Chat's shoulders a playful slap. "No, that was appalling, you mangy cat," she said, despite the smile twitching at the corners of her mouth. Sobering quickly, she said, "But, here's the thing, Chat. To be done properly, an Atellan Farce is usually quite physical, and rather crude, and I wasn't sure how you would feel about something like that."

Chat grinned at Ladybug. "My Lady, I'm game if you are," he said. "And I think that, if we want to win this thing, we are really going to have to pull out all the stops."

"Right, then," said Ladybug, mentally rolling up her sleeves. "What are you like at Hip Hop...?"

An hour and several rehearsals later, Chat Noir and Ladybug were as ready as they were going to be. With last minute drinks of water and trips to the bathroom out of the way, they rejoined the group of contestants being ushered into the corridor and toward the stage. Making their way down the corridor, the group could hear the muted noise of the audience. It somehow sounded bigger than before, despite the distance and corridor walls. Once they reached backstage the announcer came forward to tell the contestants to wait until they heard their team's number called. The numbers would be drawn randomly from a hat. When their number was called, they were to make their way onto the stage, explain what kind of an act they were doing, and then perform it. Wishing them luck, the announcer stepped through the curtain separating backstage from the performance space. The noise from the audience increased dramatically as he whipped them up to enthusiasm. Finally, the number of the first duo was drawn, and the audience erupted in a cacophony of applause and cat-calls. Breathing deeply, Ladybug tried to lower her heart rate. It felt like her heart was trying to escape through her rib cage to lodge in her throat. A clawed hand slipping into hers made Ladybug turn to the man beside her. Chat's green eyes glowed in the dim lighting. Ladybug smiled as he squeezed her hand in gentle encouragement.

An hour and a half later and there were just three teams left to perform. Of the performances already gone, some had received quite mixed responses. Clearly the audience had no qualms about letting the judges know what they thought. It was obvious that they preferred comedy to tragedy, and tragedy to lack-lustre deliveries and lame puns. "Right," thought Ladybug. "You can do it. You can do it. Just - don't - be - lame."

"And now," said the announcer, his amplified voice rolling out across the audience. "Please welcome Team Number 15, Ladybug and Chat Noir."

Chat Noir held out his hand, "Shall we, My Lady?"

Ladybug put her hand in his, "Right beside you, Chaton."

Stepping onto the stage, they were greeted with applause from the audience. The enthusiasm in the air was palpable. Ladybug felt her spirits rise to match it. Waving to the crowd, the pair struck heroic (and in Chat's case - nonchalant), poses for the fans. The announcer embarked on his usual routine. "So, Ladybug, Chat Noir. What have you prepared for us?"

"Hi, Everyone," Ladybug smiled. "With over 5,000 years of experiences to choose from, it really was a tough decision. But, finally, we decided to draw on the time that we spent in Ancient Rome, and to perform for you an Atellan Farce called _The Missing Link_."

The announcer blinked. "O-kay. Can you explain to us what an Atellan Farce is?"

"We're so glad you asked," said Chat Noir, waggling his eyebrows. "An Atellan Farce is an impromptu and risqué piece of comedy. It is essentially a masked slapstick," he said, pointing to his mask and tapping his staff on the stage floor. "Which makes it just purr-fect for me, don't you think?" He added, smiling roguishly at the crowd.

At Chat's statement, the audience burst into laughter, groans, and applause, and the announcer invited the duo to begin their performance. Chat tensed immediately. Head down in concentration, he suddenly launched himself into a series of acrobatic moves, to parkour across the stage. It was quite spectacular really. Then crouching down, cat-like, he opened his staff's communicator. "My Lady," he breathed, "I've located the akuma. I'm on a rooftop near the Eiffel Tower."

Moments later he was joined by Ladybug. "Hey Chat. What's the score?" She asked, swinging onto the rooftop beside him.

"It's a pleasure to see you, as always, My Lady," he said. "Right, then. Today's akuma is a Miss Inga Link. She's using her mobile phone like a remote to create purple chains that bind people together. Apparently, she's disgruntled with the world's Telcos. She's sick of calls dropping out unexpectedly, and people not being as connected to each other as they should be. She's threatening to chain everyone together unless we hand over our Miraculous."

"I see," said Ladybug. "Well, as much as I might sympathise with her, I think it's time we put her plan on hold. What do you say, Chat?"

Chat's eyes shone. "My Lady, did you just pun?" He asked.

A look of horror crossed Ladybug's face before she deadpanned, "Nope. No. Of course not. Nooo."

But it was too late. Chat was already smirking gleefully at the spotted heroine. "You did. You did," he laughed joyously at Ladybug's chagrin. "You, My Lady, just made a pun, and now - LADYBUG, WATCH OUT!"

From the corner of his eye, Chat had seen the akuma target them, but his warning came too late. Even as he tried to tackle Ladybug out of the way, the akuma sent multiple chains in their direction, the heavy links connecting at the heroes' wrists, elbows, shoulders, ankles, and knees like some giant, messy, spiderweb. The akuma continued to target nearby civilians with more chains. Desperately, Chat Noir and Ladybug tried to wrest themselves free of the chains, but with every movement they only succeeded in pulling each other off balance.

"You know, LB," said Chat, finally, "when I said you have me enthralled, this is not exactly what I had in mind."

"Argh," Ladybug groaned. "Chat, we don't have time for puns. If we don't break free of these chains before Miss Inga Link returns, it'll be us who'll be extinct."

Chat laughed, "For someone who doesn't like puns, My Lady, your comments sure seem to be _evolving_ into them, today."

Ladybug's body went rigid and her eyes narrowed. Before Chat realised what she was doing, she swung her arm to jerk the chains between them, pulling him off balance to kneel at her feet. "Concentrate, Kitty," she said, cupping his cheek with her hand, before ruffling his hair. "We need to find a way to slip these chains, fast."

Chat sighed at her touch. "It's Cat's cradle," he said.

Ladybug blinked. "What?"

"Cat's cradle," he repeated. "You know - that threading game kids play, where they loop a piece of string around their fingers and try to weave as many patterns as possible without getting tangled. If we can unravel the pattern formed by these chains, we should be able to slip them off as well. But we'll have to work together to avoid any unfortunate chain reactions."

To emphasise his pun, Chat flexed his elbow, causing the chains to jerk and Ladybug's hand to shoot forward. Grasping her hand, Chat pulled himself up, to stand beside her. Ladybug raised an eyebrow at his antics. "Cat's cradle, huh? Then, perhaps you should lead the way on this one, Chaton," she said.

With a wry smile, Chat gave a slight bow and kissed her hand. "I'm ready to test the chain of command if you are, My Lady," he said.

To everyone watching, the next three minutes consisted of the most extraordinary acrobatics. Ladybug and Chat Noir wove and spun and flipped and threaded themselves around each other so quickly, that every time they stopped, each pause seemed shockingly abrupt. At the first halt, Ladybug had just completed an assisted somersault to land slightly in front of Chat, with her back to the audience. The momentum of her somersault caused Chat, who was facing the audience, to lurch forwards into her slightly. This, in turn, forced Ladybug to jackknife over Chat's right hip and thrust her arms out towards the floor to arrest her fall. Chat's arms pin-wheeled, as he desperately sought to grab something to prevent them both from falling further. With a resounding slap his hands came to rest on either side of Ladybug's dainty derrière. Like a deer caught in the headlights, Chat froze. Ladybug's voice filtered up from close to the floor, "Did the manoeuvre work, Chat?"

Chat, his face red with embarrassment, managed to squeak, "S-s-sorry, M-My Lady, but I seem to have hit rock bottom."

In the background, the audience burst out laughing as Ladybug called back, "Well, don't give up yet, Chat. We've only just started. Here, let me see what I can do."

Ladybug reached her hands back through her legs towards Chat. Grasping her wrists, Chat swung Ladybug up in a series of somersaults and twists, above his shoulders, around his body, and back down to land behind him. In doing so, Chat had turned side-on to the audience and the sudden arrest of Ladybug's momentum again pulled him badly off-balance. Falling backwards, Chat was forced to brace his arms against the floor to support his body in an awkward arch, as he stared up at the ceiling. Unbeknownst to him, his fall had also pulled Ladybug off her feet to kneel, awkwardly against his side, in direct line with his groin. Oblivious to his partner's sudden embarrassment, Chat asked, "Can you see the answer, LB?"

Blushing hard, her hands steepled together in the shape of a tee-pee, Ladybug replied in a choked voice, "S-s-sorry, Chat. No answer, just an ( _eyeful_ ) Eiffel." With that innuendo the audience fell about laughing.

"This isn't the time for sightseeing, Ladybug," said Chat. "Oh, nevermind. There's something else I'd like to try anyway. I'm going to attempt to stand straight up from this position. When I do, the manoeuvre will probably pull you off the ground and into my arms. I'm going to have to catch you bridal style, so I need you to be ready. Ok? Right. On the count of three: one..., two..., three..."

With amazing agility, Chat drew himself up into a standing position. The manoeuvre dragged Ladybug off the ground and up into his arms. It worked almost perfectly, except that neither hero had counted on the chains pulling Ladybug into an inverted circle, with her back stretched across Chat's waist and her arms and legs curving to join at the hero's back, like a living cummerbund. Clamping his arms around Ladybug, to prevent her from falling, Chat was disconcerted to find them tightly encircling the spotted hero's very feminine upper torso. The hero's ears turned red as Ladybug asked, "Is it working, Chat?"

"I-I-I'm not s-sure," Chat squeaked. He cleared his throat to try again. "I'll have to keep you abreast of developments," he deadpanned. The audience, roaring with laughter, let loose a barrage of applause and wolf-whistles.

Ladybug spoke again. "Chat, I know we need to be flexible to fight new akumas, but I don't think that means I need to be a human pretzel. If you don't mind, I'd like to roll down towards the ground from this position."

"Certainly, My Lady, just give me a minute to adjust my grip, and - NO, WAIT..."

Unfortunately, Ladybug started turning over just as Chat was trying to re-adjust his grip. With a yelp, her body dropped below Chat's waist and swung further round to his back. Chat twisted in a desperate attempt to prevent her from unceremoniously hitting the floor. Feeling herself falling, Ladybug crunched her body around her partner and held on tight. No longer falling, to her immense chagrin she discovered that she had grabbed her partner's posterior. Ladybug let out an unladylike, "Eeep!"

"My Lady, are you ok?" Chat asked, concerned she had somehow hurt herself.

Ladybug gulped and without thinking stammered, "Ch-Ch-Chat, they're like steel."

Then her brain caught up with her mouth. The audience chortled. Ladybug eeped again, turned as red as her suit, and let go. Surprised, Chat only just had time to twist his body beneath hers before they hit the floor hard. Chat lay flat on his back with Ladybug sprawled across him. There was a moment of complete silence, before Ladybug groaned and buried her face in her hands. How was she ever going to live down having told her partner what his buns felt like? Seeing her distress, Chat was deeply concerned. "My Lady, are you alright? I'm so sorry I dropped you. Those chains really are like steel. Did they hit you as you fell? Are you okay? My Lady? My Lady, please. Say something!" he babbled with worry.

Ladybug raised her face from her hands in amazement. He thought she had been referring to the chains...?! She sighed. "I'm fine, Chat, just frustrated." Eyes blowing wide, she slammed her hand over her mouth.

"Thank goodness," he replied, still oblivious. "For a moment there you had me really worried." Chat gripped Ladybug's upper arms. Straddling him, she raised herself onto all fours. "You know, LB, if we don't get out of these chains really soon, we're going to be in trouble. We need to hurry before the akuma comes back."

"Right!" said Ladybug, sitting back on her knees and ankles. Looking up, she noticed a chain hanging straight down between them. "What about this chain? Will it help to unravel this mess any faster?"

Reaching up, she pulled the chain. Chat suddenly slid feet first along the floor, on his back, until his neck came into contact with her groin. Chat gulped. "Erm... I see Christmas coming faster than we're escaping," he said. The audience erupted in a cacophony of cat-calls.

Turning right around, Ladybug shifted back towards Chat's waist. "Well," she said, pulling a chain off the floor from between his legs. "What if I pull on this?" The audience turned apoplectic with laughter.

Chat's whole body jackknifed painfully into a crunch. Grabbing Ladybug, he grunted. "L-L-Ladybug. Stop. You're yanking my chain."

Ladybug froze. "Chat," she swore, "If you're just punning around, I swear..."

Chat cut her short. "No. Wait. I think I know what to do." With a sudden flurry of lifts and twists, Chat managed to swing Ladybug and himself upright, standing together, face to face. With his arms encircling Ladybug, Chat waggled his eyebrows. "My Lady," he grinned. "I just knew we were bound to be together."

To Chat's surprise Ladybug blushed and pressed her face into his chest. "Urgh, stupid cat!" she groaned. "How am I supposed to cleanse the akuma when you're distracting me?"

Chat's smile turned tender. Tucking a stray strand of hair behind Ladybug's ear, he said, "I think, My Lady, that it's time for you to do what you do best."

Looking up at Chat, with one hand on his chest and her leg popping at the knee, Ladybug raised her other arm and called, "Lucky charm!" Moments later a pack of cigarettes and a lighter materialised in her outstretched hand. Ladybug looked at the charm, nonplussed, until, as the world turned grey, items and people began to flash in colour - the cigarettes, the lighter, Chat, herself, the akuma, and the akuma's phone. Could it really be that simple? Lighting two cigarettes, Ladybug said, "Okay, Chat, time to do your thing."

"With pleasure, My Lady," he said. Grabbing hold of the chains on either side of them, Chat pulled Ladybug firmly against himself as he called, "Cataclysm!" Instantly, the chains in Chat's hands turned black, crumbling along their links, before falling away like black powder. Swiftly, Ladybug gave one of the lit cigarettes to Chat, as they turned to zero in on the akuma. Drawing deeply on their cigarettes, both heroes blew a heavy cloud of smoke directly in the akuma's eyes. Miss Inga Link flinched, dropping her phone, as she desperately knuckled her watering eyes. Stomping on the phone, Ladybug broke its screen to release the purple akuma. Swinging her yoyo she cried, "Time to de-evilise!" and slung it to catch the akuma. Seconds later, releasing a purified white moth she called, "Bye-bye little butterfly."

Ladybug turned to look at Chat Noir. Green eyes met blue. Slowly, both heroes dragged on their cigarettes to blow smoke rings. As the rings joined in mid-air to form a chain, the heroes finally bumped fists. "Pound It!" they laughed.

Taking the cigarettes and lighter, Ladybug threw them into the air calling, "Miraculous Ladybug!" Everything returned to normal and suddenly the place was crawling with reporters. Seeing them Ladybug said, "I'm sorry, there's no time for interviews today. This bug has to _Bug Out!_ " And with that Ladybug parkoured to the nearest rooftop.

Chat Noir gave the reporters a two-fingered salute. "Yeah, cat-ch you, later!" he called, before following Ladybug. Catching up to his partner, he said, "Well, LB, that akuma was off the chain, don't you think? Although, I have to say, she did kinda just phone it in at the end."

Ladybug and the audience groaned. "Ugh, Chat. That was terrible."

"Oh, come on, LB. That Cat's cradle wasn't all bad, now, was it?"

"Hmm," Ladybug deadpanned. "Well, I suppose we were lucky it wasn't a game of pogo with your stick," she said. The audience snickered.

"Meowch," said Chat, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "You know, My Lady, for the record, this Cat wouldn't have minded being permanently wedded to you."

Suddenly the audience was holding its breath. For a millisecond, Ladybug's eyes blew wide. Then, placing her hands on her hips, she snorted, "Whoa, there, Kitty. Now your chain is missing some links."

Chat sighed, his tail trailing despondently. Pretending to play off his comment he said, "Hey! I'd look good with a gold band to match my bell, and you know it."

Ladybug smirked and sauntered towards him. Chat gulped. "I don't doubt it, Kitty," she said. "It's just that I happen to like those links you missed, and I think you should work on them first. So...," she said, tapping him gently on the nose, "How 'bout you race me to Andre's for an ice cream?"

Chat's entire being went still. Then he blinked. "Really?" he almost whispered, in disbelief.

In that moment, Ladybug felt that looking at Chat Noir was like staring at a 10,000 watt light bulb. Time to dial it back a bit. "Of course," she said, grinning wickedly. "His ice creams are way better than anything you can get from a chain store."

Stunned, Chat blinked again. Ladybug tried to hold his gaze, but her lips twitched and they both fell about laughing, joined by the audience.

With a grin, Chat turned to Ladybug and held out his hand. "Shall we, My Lady?"

Smiling, Ladybug put her hand in his. "Right beside you, Chaton."

* * *

 **POSTSCRIPTUM**

 _ **The Shout Out**_

"Chat's Got Your Tongue." Enough said: /watch?v=Jqn6IO2ndcY

 _ **Atellan Farce**_

The Atellan Fables or Oscan Games, were invented at Atella in Campania and brought to Rome in 391BC. According to the historian Tacitus, performers of Atellan Farce were banished from Italy by the Princeps Tiberius in AD28.

 _ **Commedia dell'Arte**_

Popular in the 16th to 18th centuries, this partly scripted and partly improvised theatrical form involved masked characters performing _lazzi_ (witty or foolish jokes).

 _ **Slapstick:**_

The name originates from the Italian _batacchio_ or _bataccio_ \- a club or bat-like object composed of two wooden slats, used in _Commedia dell'arte_.So, yes, I couldn't resist creating a headcanon that Chat Noir's divisible staff is the next gen. tech. of slapstick... ( _lol_ ).

 **POST POSTSCRIPTUM**

Want to hear a funny story? So, I had to invent a company name for the competition sponsors, right. I actually went through a couple of iterations and acronyms before finally settling on the Drama and Animation Guild of America (DAG). All I would have to do is whack an "Inc." on the end to make the name sound professional, but not real, right?! Surely, no one would call their business DAG Inc, right? Wrong. Fortunately, I checked. And, what do you know. There they were: D.A.G. Inc. A visual effects production company - a large one - with over 100 employees, and Nintendo and SEGA amongst their clients. (Funnily enough their full name, _The Digital Artists Guild_ , doesn't actually appear on the official website. I had to check another site to find it). Oh, well, darn! (Yes, for those of you snickering away in the background, I am one of those people who was invented before the internet. Of course, now that I've looked up the company, I'm not at all sure that I haven't [subconsciously] come across them before). Anyway... who knows if the company has a sense of humour? If I ever find out I'll let you know, but rather than risk it, I tinkered with the name a little further. So, now you know how _DAGS Inc_. - _The_ _Drama, Animation, and Gaming Society of America_ was formed.


	6. Epilogue

**EPILOGUE**

 **To Beta or Not To Beta**

 _Shall We Dialogue...?_

Well that was... something.

14,000+ words and at least 47 puns later, it turns out I've well and truly complied with the editing rules, so I don't really need any more chapters. If people like it I'll look at continuing it, but I doubt there'll be any danger of that. So as the reviews roll in (listen to those crickets chirping in the background), and the puns are swept away, I have just one question for my favourite author:

May I be your Beta?


End file.
